Today marks two weeks since I married the love of my life. I’m still catching myself saying my maiden name as opposed to my new last name, I still haven’t written thank-you notes, and there are wedding gifts still in their original packaging. But as I sit and reflect on my wedding day, I feel nothing but love and gratitude for the friends and family who helped to make it the best day of my life.
Like many girls, I spent my life thinking about what my perfect wedding day would be like. However, unlike most girls, my focus wasn’t on the details like the color scheme, flowers, table decorations, or the seating chart. I cared about one thing: the man who’d be standing opposite me as we promised to spend forever together.
As someone with a disability, I spent years wondering if I’d ever get married or even have a boyfriend. I didn’t know if I’d ever find someone who wouldn’t feel burdened by my disability. I couldn’t picture someone wanting to spend their life with someone who did not know what the future would hold for them physically and the level of help they’d need. I couldn’t picture someone not being frustrated by the intricacies of being intimate with me. I couldn’t imagine someone CHOOSING that kind of life and future for themselves.
Then I met my husband, and my whole world shifted. Together we learned how to navigate a relationship where one partner is able-bodied and the other is not. However, don’t get me wrong, that wasn’t necessarily a walk in the park. It took time, understanding, communication, and trust, and most of all, patience. But tackling those challenges early on meant we built our relationship on honest, open communication. And our relationship only grew stronger from there.
If you asked me as a child to picture the man standing opposite me on my wedding day, I wouldn’t have pictured my husband, but here’s why. I honestly didn’t think someone like him existed. I didn’t believe I’d find someone to love me AND my disability, while also being willing to take on the responsibilities that only a relationship like ours requires. But then the universe proved me wrong. And here we are, enjoying the early days of married life and brimming with excitement for what our future together holds.
So, to all the people out there with disabilities wondering whether they’ll get married one day, please know, it’s possible. I’m living proof. We are worthy of love, acceptance, and romantic relationships, so don’t let anyone say we’re not. Honestly, I think relationships with one disabled partner are even stronger than relationships where both partners are able-bodied. Because not only do we have to navigate the typical ups and downs of a relationship, we have to come to terms with the physical aspects too, and that makes our partnership even stronger.
In that sense, I am so grateful to have found a man who encourages my independence but also helps me when I need it. And that help isn’t tinged with feelings of resentment or being a burden; it’s filled with love. I know this because I know my husband, and the love we have for one another is visible. I saw it plain as day on our wedding day. I saw it in the look in his eyes when we promised forever to each other surrounded by our friends and family. I heard it in the words of the hand-written vows he wrote. And I felt it in the way he held me during our first dance. And I see it today, just in the way we navigate our day-to-day lives, allowing each other to grow as individuals and together as a couple. And in the conscious decision we make to choose to love each other, every day, over and over, from now until forever.